Part of the reason we want to be famous is to be acknowledged and respected. (Also, to make money). Many of us feel or felt that we have not been acknowledged by the world. We have not been respected by our parents or our peers. We yearn for this. We WANT this, but we don’t realize there is one person who should be supporting us unconditionally. That person should be standing by our side, cheering us on. That person should be encouraging us and picking us up after we get rejected. That is US! Each of us is responsible for our own tender soul.

It is part of nature to look for outside approval because we can’t survive without it. But if we don’t give ourselves the praise and respect we need, trust me, no one else will. I have NEVER seen someone who had a belief that they were terrible at something, but the rest of the world thought they were amazing. But I often see overconfidence being reflected back.

What I am talking about is self-nurturing. You have a desire, a dream. Other people may support it or may stomp on it. But YOU need to stand by yourself no matter what. Remember there is no such thing as an ugly baby. Each creation is valuable. You had the idea for a reason. You want to share it for a reason. It is your perspective and your job to give birth to it. Now, what happens to ugly baby whose mothers tell them they are ugly? They become serial killers. Do you want your project to become a serial killer? No. It will sit in a drawer until one day — it can’t stop itself — it has to kill.

What happens to ugly babies whose mothers tell them they are beautiful and fantastic and amazing? They become beautiful and fantastic and amazing. This has been scientifically proven with teachers. They told a bunch of teachers that certain kids were gifted and the teachers treated them differently and guess what happened? The kids did better on tests and in school than those who were treated as “sub-par.” Glad I wasn’t in that experiment.

So, what is your self-talk? Are you harsh on your work? If someone in power tells you you have no talent, do you give up? Or a parent tells you it’s a tough industry, do you suddenly get writers’ BLO**? 

What will it take for you to believe in yourself? You cannot wait for others to believe in you. Writing taste is relative. Some people think “Better Call Saul” is an amazing show, others find it over the top and boring. There is no “good” or “bad.” There is what draws people in and what repels people or loses people’s interest. Back to that baby.

Because writing is rewriting, it takes several drafts to get a story right. By several, I mean like twenty. Can you stand by your own side for twenty drafts? Can you cheerlead yourself into better and better work building the layers of a great script? Believability. Originality. Stakes. A ticking Clock. Protagonist’s Desire. A question that needs answering. Well-defined character dialogue. Character arcs!

You think professional writers nail all of those on the first go around? They do not. They make several passes and they have to BELIEVE in themselves to have the energy to make those passes.

So what are the steps to believe in yourself?

1. First, tell the nay sayers “no, thank you.” Recognize that they may have their own motives for keeping you down. Yes, you can use swear words if that makes you feel better. Just don’t do it to their face.

2. If the naysayer is yourself, ask yourself whose voice is this? Is it really mine? Where did this voice come from? More often than not, the voice comes from your ego trying to protect you. If you have been rejected, it is very painful, and your ego may be trying to prevent that pain from happening again. Thank your ego for protecting you and reassure it that you can take care of yourself.

3. Start with positive reinforcement. Complement and acknowledge yourself for EVERY SMALL SUCCESS. If you wrote two pages that day, acknowledge yourself. “I wrote two pages today. Good for me!” “I had a great idea come to me today – Yay.” You need at least FIVE acknowledgements each day for FORTY DAYS to start changing your thought patterns. Changing your thought patterns will change your behavioral patterns.

4. Deal with the rejections. Journal and write out your feelings. Then burn them. Burning them is cathartic and acts as a release. PURGE THOSE NEGATIVE FEELINGS. If you don’t, guess what they become? Bitterness and depression. Sometimes even disease.

5. PUT UP SIGNS. GET POM POMS. I kid you not. There was a phase in my career when I felt so defeated I needed pom poms to get up the energy to keep writing. THEY WORK. “Go Laurence. It’s your birthday…”

6. Positive affirmations on your computer can help refocus your mind to happy thoughts. Here is my sign, ”I am a successful and happy TV and film writer who is making a great living doing what I love.” What do you want to create? Write it down so you can keep heading toward that goal.

Any kernal of truth. Any story you need to share can become a great piece of film or television (or TikTok and Twitch). Nurture it by nurturing yourself through the strenuous process of creating. Start with the idea, create the characters, bring them to life, sketch out the story, add in the tension, subtext and themes. Get the tone consistent. Be patient. Test it with friends you can trust. Then revise, revise, revise. But don’t take constructive criticism (“notes”) or the need for revision as negative. They are just another step on the mountain you are climbing. Yes, you may stumble, you may fall, you may need to take a water break or camp out for a day, but get back up and climb. And cheer yourself on for every step you take. Don’t wait for someone else to give your kudos. Give them to yourself. “Go you, it’s your birthday!”